11 January 2012
Big Girls: Where Do We Fit?
06:00 | 
Posted by
ToughxCookies
I have to chime in on the weight/diet culture discussion, because there are a few things I don’t quite understand. My particular motivation for thinking of this came not only from previous ToughxCookies articles, and my own sizableness, but I feel as though the Victoria Secret Fashion Show lit a fire under me as well. I can whole-heartedly say my interest in the fashion show comes from my overwhelming desire to witness Kanye West at every possible opportunity, and really, not in the least because of any of the girls, “clothes,” or other musical acts. I tried to find the entertainment in it, while I patiently awaited Yeezy, but I struggled. Whereas I figured I could take this at face value, I became bothered at how quickly this show became a trending topic on my Facebook feed. Not surprisingly, many of us were watching. However, I did find myself intrigued by the myriad of rationales from my female Facebook friends. Some were interested in the fashion, some also tuning in to see hip hop infiltrate this venue; however, very few used the show as a tool of self-worth measurement.
Originally, I found this surprising. Until, upon further glance, I noticed a pattern emerging. Anyone commenting on the fashion show as some sort of question of their own physique was what I would refer to as a “big” girl. Personally, I don’t get along well with the terms fat, obese, or BBW. I generally prefer the term “big” or “thick” to describe someone over size 14. That said, I was simultaneously proud of and perplexed by these big girls not completely attacking themselves as a result of these mostly nude prime time models. I began to think: does this plague us “big girls?” Do most big girls wish they could prance around in these outfits, be regarded sex objects, or fit into our society’s ideal of beauty? Or are we impenetrable? Has big girl culture advanced enough that we love ourselves for who we are? Okay. That’s a utopian take on it. How about: are we, as bigger girls, immune to or less affected by these pressures, because we are perceived as so far outside the standard to begin with?
I can only speak for myself. Shows like the aforementioned and America’s Next Top Model used to have me lounging in front of the TV, stuffing Oreos in my face. I don’t think it was ever a matter of “I can’t be like that, so I’ll just go overboard,” but it wasn’t truly a “I’m so fly, I’m not counting the amount of cookies I inhale.” I may have fronted as though it was the latter, but that attitude lent to further negativity. For most of my life, I thought you couldn’t fit enough soul into less than 150 pounds. Most smaller girls I knew were vapid, unintelligent, or uninteresting to me (think: the model stereotype). Was this really the case, or was this a case of chubb goggle bias? I won’t ever really know. But, this mindset became extremely detrimental and ultimately led to more pounds than I’d care for, because I never wanted to be “that.” Thankfully, I’ve grown up (and out). I’ve met and befriended numerous thin, fit, smaller (please read whichever term you are most comfortable with) women who are full of swag, soul, and intellect. And I’ve run into my fair share of chubby bitches. So, I no longer correlate personality traits with physical size.
But, I still don’t get it
Are we proud of who we are? Is big girl culture on the rise? When we see fashion shows, ultra-thin models, advertisement after advertisement telling us to change something about ourselves, do we say “eff that?” Or do these things still tear at us, and we just have more to break down?
Are there others like me that occasionally take endless pleasure out of someone looking us up and down, and then realizing they have a skinny girlfriend? Is this a big girl victory? Or my complete cynicism and bias creeping up again?
This is particularly on my mind at this time of year. While our society may argue that the one time of the year to be most worried about these things is bikini season, I would disagree. Some of us have to lose those ten vanity pounds per year to get in a bathing suit, some of us simply don’t own one, others are gonna rock it out on the beach no matter what size they are. It’s this time of year I see us most hard on ourselves about how much junk we eat, everything we indulge in, and ultimately, if we want to change ourselves.
So, with the New Year in mind, let’s decide … big girls unite? Love where we’re at? Or, aspire for a smaller jean size?
Originally, I found this surprising. Until, upon further glance, I noticed a pattern emerging. Anyone commenting on the fashion show as some sort of question of their own physique was what I would refer to as a “big” girl. Personally, I don’t get along well with the terms fat, obese, or BBW. I generally prefer the term “big” or “thick” to describe someone over size 14. That said, I was simultaneously proud of and perplexed by these big girls not completely attacking themselves as a result of these mostly nude prime time models. I began to think: does this plague us “big girls?” Do most big girls wish they could prance around in these outfits, be regarded sex objects, or fit into our society’s ideal of beauty? Or are we impenetrable? Has big girl culture advanced enough that we love ourselves for who we are? Okay. That’s a utopian take on it. How about: are we, as bigger girls, immune to or less affected by these pressures, because we are perceived as so far outside the standard to begin with?
I can only speak for myself. Shows like the aforementioned and America’s Next Top Model used to have me lounging in front of the TV, stuffing Oreos in my face. I don’t think it was ever a matter of “I can’t be like that, so I’ll just go overboard,” but it wasn’t truly a “I’m so fly, I’m not counting the amount of cookies I inhale.” I may have fronted as though it was the latter, but that attitude lent to further negativity. For most of my life, I thought you couldn’t fit enough soul into less than 150 pounds. Most smaller girls I knew were vapid, unintelligent, or uninteresting to me (think: the model stereotype). Was this really the case, or was this a case of chubb goggle bias? I won’t ever really know. But, this mindset became extremely detrimental and ultimately led to more pounds than I’d care for, because I never wanted to be “that.” Thankfully, I’ve grown up (and out). I’ve met and befriended numerous thin, fit, smaller (please read whichever term you are most comfortable with) women who are full of swag, soul, and intellect. And I’ve run into my fair share of chubby bitches. So, I no longer correlate personality traits with physical size.
But, I still don’t get it
Are we proud of who we are? Is big girl culture on the rise? When we see fashion shows, ultra-thin models, advertisement after advertisement telling us to change something about ourselves, do we say “eff that?” Or do these things still tear at us, and we just have more to break down?
Are there others like me that occasionally take endless pleasure out of someone looking us up and down, and then realizing they have a skinny girlfriend? Is this a big girl victory? Or my complete cynicism and bias creeping up again?
This is particularly on my mind at this time of year. While our society may argue that the one time of the year to be most worried about these things is bikini season, I would disagree. Some of us have to lose those ten vanity pounds per year to get in a bathing suit, some of us simply don’t own one, others are gonna rock it out on the beach no matter what size they are. It’s this time of year I see us most hard on ourselves about how much junk we eat, everything we indulge in, and ultimately, if we want to change ourselves.
So, with the New Year in mind, let’s decide … big girls unite? Love where we’re at? Or, aspire for a smaller jean size?
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5 shout outs:
I guess for me since I don't find the bodies you find at such fashion shows attractive it helps me combat that thought process. I want a girl with curves instead of bones sticking out and since I want her to be attracted to me I don't want to bethat either
I am not going to pretend I know anything about being termed as a "bigger girl" but I wonder about the psychological differences between someone who has always been considered overweight versus the psychological affects of becoming overweight. I've known both types of people. My mother, for instance, was 120 lbs until she had me, then she gained over a hundred pounds because of the pregnancy, which i believe contributed to both the late onset depression and the.myriad of health factors, including but not limited to higher blood pressure and diabetes.
My other thought is this: what about those women ( or just people, for that matter) who ran the gauntlet associated with obesity in childhood and in whatever way slimmed down? Does that have any effect on their psyche? In media, people like this are sometimes portrayed as suddenly being egotistical and narcissistic. All though I am a firm believer in not making generalizations, I wonder if there is a pattern.....
I really do not understand the appeal of watching the fashion show at all. But then, I might live in la-la land.
I think there is definitely an F you attitude towards what is considered the ideal size. I also think more women/girls are learning to love their bodies at any size. There's deinfitely variety of sizes in women on tv and they aren't just a punchline. They are being shown as sexy, smart, funny and independent.
I myself have definitely fluctuated in weight in the last 10 years. My goal is to lose 70 pounds this year witch averages to 2 pounds a week. This is healthy and doable. The crazy part is 70 pounds will not make me thin, but it will make me the size 12 I was at 18.(Unfortunately it was also take my boobs from a D to a B mostly likely) Which in my head was the perfect size for me. I was happy and healthy then.
I don't think it's about being Big or Small it's about feeling healthy and beautiful. Because loving yourself is wonderful, but feeling confident and happy truly projects as well.
I am not into fashion shows at all. I was ANTM addictively and am mostly attracted to faces. Like Analeigh Tipton's face is stunning and her personality is incredible, but I could never see myself that small. It just wouldn't fit my body.
<3
Wow- sorry for all the grammatical errors...
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