I don’t know if many people know this, but I love R&B. Not just the R&B of today either, but the R&B of the late 80’s and early 90’s, too -- Boys II Men, 112, Jagged Edge, Jesse Powell, Toni Braxton, and so on.  And speaking of Jagged Edge, there’s a song by him that I absolutely just love, “Let’s Get Married.”  I will listen to this song all day, everyday.  I will break it down, do a dance, and sing my lungs out to this song.  But I fucking hate the lyrics. And honestly, the more I listen to it, the angrier I get about it, so I can’t listen to the song too many times, for the sake of my blood pressure. What makes me angrier, still, is that this song was realized with the intention that women all over the world will love this, because it’s speaking to every woman’s dream. Because, really, what woman doesn’t want to get married? (Insert my “get fucking real” face here.)

To help you understand my anger, though, I’m going to break the lyrics down for you, like so:

1. Okay. First of all, why is he assuming that no one else would tell her this? Why is he assuming he is the first man that proposed to her? Shoot, a playa could have proposed to this woman before, and she turned him down because he was a player. It irritates me that he feels like he is the first person she’s influenced with her amazing woman-ness that he wants to “be real” and say what’s on his heart. Like, relax, dude, you’re not the only good, honest man out there.  Calm the fuck down.

2.  “Let’s take this chance and making this love feel relevant?”  REALLY!? The love wasn’t relevant before the marriage proposal? Are you trying to say that before someone gets married, their love isn’t relevant? I’m sorry, but true love is true love before and after the marriage. You’re going to be going through the same love, hard times, and ups and downs both married, and unmarried, so I don’t understand what you think the marriage is making relevant here.

3.  “Who knew we’d make it this far?” If you’re this surprised about how far the relationship went before it was “relevant,” how are you going to feel after it starts getting relevant? If you had so little faith about where it would have gone, and you’re surprised how long it’s lasted, how long is this marriage going to last? Excuse my Glozell moment, but this is absolutely ridiculous. “And I can’t stand the thought of losing you.” Who says you’re not going to lose her after you’re married? She’s allowed to file for a divorce, too, if she doesn’t like the way it’s working out after everything gets all heavy and relevant! I want to know, though, why he assumes that getting married will somehow chain her to him, and she’d never be able to leave him.

And it continues.

(1) Meet me at the altar in your white dress
We ain't getting no younger; we might as well do it
(2) Been feeling you all the while, girl, I must confess
Girl, let's just get married; I just want to get married

1.  “Meet me in the altar in your white dress.” First off all, ignoring the command that he’s giving her, why is he assuming that she is going to wear white? Seriously? I mean, granted, he might not be aware that there are other colors for wedding dresses. After all, the stigma is that the bride wears white to symbolize her purity and her virginity. So obviously, she has to wear white, because duh, she’s pure and virginal. Why are you assuming this, man?  Why!? But he does think that he’s the first person to ever propose to her, so he probably also thinks that he’s the only guy who approached her, ever.

2.  This is the part that pisses me off the most. What? “We ain’t getting no younger, we might as well do this?” So, do you really want to get married, or do you feel as if time is running out for you, so better seal the deal with somebody, so you might as well settle down with the pure virgin, yeah? I mean, I don’t know if I’m just ignorant, but I wasn’t aware I needed to get married by a certain time, and that if I didn’t, I better find a man -- and fast. “Been feeling you all the while, girl?” I’m sorry, but “feeling you” is something you say to some girl you are chilling with that you want to start dating. “Hey, I’ve been feelin’ you, and I want to see if we could have something.” Does this guy even know this girl he’s proposing to? Is she someone he met at a coffee shop that he’s proposing to? These lyrics, man, they just wrong.

And here we go again.

1.  He’s done it all, but he’s tired of this emptiness. Well, see sir, psychologically, it is not healthy to go looking for a person to fill in the emptiness in your life.  This is something that needs to be worked out with your shrink. And also, what if she’s just not ready to start “making love” to just you?  What if she still wants to see what’s out there?

2.  I don’t even understand this -- finish what? Is he talking about the marriage being the finish, being the end? That’s cheerful, isn’t it? “And did you think about maybe us having some babies?” What if she didn’t? What if she didn’t want to have kids, and clearly this wasn’t discussed before because he’s asking now. It sounds romantic that he wants kids, but at the same time, it implies that she should want to have kids, while his wanting to have kids is so spectacular and special, she must settle down with him.

I’m sorry for the rant, but from the beginning of the song to the very end is a stereotype for both men and women.  It implies (or outright says) that it’s a big deal if men want to settle down and get married; while for women, it’s just a given that they want and expect marriage. It shows both men and women in a stereotypical light, in my honest opinion.

The lyrics also touch on the ideal that there is this time period when people must get married, or if you reach a certain time in your relationship, or if you have been dating for a certain time, you must get married. While, I, personally, do want to get married, that’s a personal idea, and it’s not because I’m a woman, and it’s not because I think I need it, because by some feeling of emptiness that I need filled with a man.

The problem I have with this song is the implication that it’s every woman’s dream that someone would want some man to sing this to them. It’s the implication made from the beginning of the song that no other “playa” would tell her this, but he’s going to be real. It’s the implication that the lyrics would seem appealing to a lot of people (in this case women), because women want something or someone like this.

While this song is pretty old, I know a lot of people who want this to be played at their wedding. Honestly, before I really thought about the lyrics, I wanted to play it at my wedding, too. And it’s this mentality that I wish would die out. The idea that, as women, marriages and weddings is what all women eventually need for “relevancy.”

Now I’m pissed off. I need some R&B.